IRE

A Stranger in a Fascinated Land


Exile is strangely compelling to think about but terrible to experience. It is the unhealable rift forced between a human being and a native place, between the self and its true home: its essential sadness can never be surmounted.  

-Edward Said

After a night of disturbing dreams, I woke up uncomfortably on my back. The train for work always leaves at 5, so I had to hurry up to be on time. Trying to get out of bed, I found it impossible to roll over. Looking at my body, I saw a hard shell and small flailing legs. My dreams had come true! How would I get to work! My boss would be furious, and I had to pay off my family’s debts! O, how disappointed everyone would be with me. How would I present myself to my parents? I had to act like everything was okay.

Eventually, my manager came by my house too see why I wasn’t at work. My parents sounded so concerned and angry, I had to open the door so they could see I was alright. But this probably wasn’t a good idea. Everyone was repulsed and terrified by my new form. How could I scare my family like that? I had to stay in my room until my condition got better. I couldn’t disappoint my family like that again.

Now I feel as if I am dying. I was always grateful for my sister’s good will. She would always bring me food, but ever since I almost scared my mother to death, she hasn’t come back in my room. How can I show them that I’m still inside of this shell? This is still me. And yet, they continue trying to push me out of their minds, exile me from the family. Even my sister is tired of me, the one person who I thought would always be there for me. This apple in my back has been hurting for a while, but it’s not so bad now. It’s getting lighter outside.

You may be surprised, but this is actually not my story. This tragedy instead belongs to Gregor Samsa of Franz Kafka’s The Metamorphosis. In fact, I can barely even relate to any aspect of Gregor’s life. I must admit that I have never woken up as a giant bug, repulsed my entire family, and died with an apple lodged in my back. I have never had to worry about disappointing my parents with my achievements or about simply how I would live through the next day. As far as I can remember, I have never been excluded from anything that I wanted to be part of. Yet despite my experiences, I am still compelled by Gregor Samsa and The Metamorphosis and like to fool myself into thinking that I understand Samsa’s position. Why is that? Why am I so drawn to a narrative that I can barely relate to at all? How can I think that the almost nonexistent tragedies in my life can allow to to relate to the fatal affliction of Gregor?

Logically, we, as humans, would make it our goal to stay away from stories about exile. We have spent thousands of years building societies and civilizations that we might not be alone in the wild. We fear a secluded death, passing along without the care from another. Ever-popular in our society, however, are the simulated experiences of exclusion and exile. From literature (Leo Tolstoy’s Anna Karenina, James Joyce’s Dubliners), to television (Dexter, Lost), to film (American Psycho, The Dark Knight), to music (David Bowie’s “Space Oddity,” Radiohead’s “Creep”), and even to video games (Half-Life, Fallout), our world seems to be engrossed in the concepts of exile and isolation from society. As Edward Said once noted, “Exile is strangely compelling to think about but terrible to experience.” It is with this same compelling fascination that I set out to examine aspects of exile in our popular culture. 

When tasked with writing an essay about a comedian, I was overwhelmed by the need to narrow the focus to only one person. I immediately went to my YouTube playlists to scour my favorite comedy routines, hoping I could weed out a few choices. With only a few of “the greats” left, I had to make a choice: Did I want to write about the greatest classic comedian, or the one with the best history? Lenny Bruce or Sarah Silverman? The subject of my first essay, Sarah Silverman is in every way an outsider. Growing up in a Jewish family without religion, learning to curse before even starting school, and suffering with depression after a parental divorce, Silverman’s history genuinely piqued my interest. As I soon determined, Silverman’s comedy is a direct byproduct of her unique childhood. Known for her outlandish and often controversial observations of taboo topics such as sexism, religion, and racism, Sarah knows no boundaries and constantly uses her experiences to her advantage. 

Reignited by research into Silverman’s past, my fascination with exile and alienation fueled the development of my next essay. With the topic of an adaptation of an existing work, I instantly remembered an essay I had wanted to write in high school, but never had the opportunity to. Studying Albert Camus for my IB World Literature class, he instantly became one of my favorite authors. As a pied-noir, or a French citizen living in Algeria before its independence, Camus was an alien wherever he went. Neither fully French nor fully Algerian, he developed his Absurdist ideology as an allegorical exile. After reading The Stranger, I suddenly saw the connection between the novel and Queen’s famous rock-opera, “Bohemian Rhapsody.” I told my teacher about it, but never received an essay prompt that would allow me to reveal my findings. Finally with an essay to show the world Freddie Mercury’s inspiration for his masterpiece, I conclude that the similar histories of the creators as exiles or strangers to society likely contributed to similarities in woldviews and interests. 

Concluding my portfolio, I searched for a way to bring together the outsider position of Sarah Silverman and the exiled fate of Meursault in The Stranger and of the main character in “Bohemian Rhapsody.” As my favorite television show, Dexter stuck out in my mind for its thematic elements of exile and alienation. After searching YouTube for good content, I created a compilation of various audio and video clips from different episodes of the show. A serial killer, Dexter Morgan must keep his true self in exile while around others. Only in the dark of the night can he truly be himself. My video highlights Dexter’s position as an exile by bringing together his past and present in a clashing piece. Finally confronting Dexter’s true self, the audience can see why he must hide in exile from everyone but himself.