Peer Review

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Remixes of Mona Lisa

Mona Lisa [should be in italics because it is a work of art] still has been remixed, reused, and reinterpreted many times over years, years and years after [somewhat confusing, maybe just replace with “since”] Leonardo Da Vinci’s death [I would suggest adding the year of his death to add importance to the span of time over which people have been remixing his painting]. The [Sounds cleaner without “the”] Artists like Warhol, Duchamp, and Dali have all worked with this Mona Lisa [italicize] painting; each of them changed it’s [its] concept, style, context, and form. They are all showing us what is important, and the proper manipulation of art tools and materials is involved. [I understand what you are saying here, but it is a bit confusing at first read]

Renaissance painter, [no need for comma] Leonardo Da Vinci had been commissioned by Francesco del Giocondo to paint an oil portrait of his wife, Mona Lisa. His work really caught our eyes for reasons. [Do not say that she caught our eyes “for reasons” since it is self-evident that there are “reasons” for it. Either remove this sentence or give a brief overview of why it catches our eyes so much.] Mona Lisa is the most famous painting in the world today. 

The fans can see an adorned contained object of Mona Lisa [I am not exactly sure what you mean by an “adorned contained object.”]. Mona Lisa looks like a fairly ordinary female, but [Do not say “but” here because it would imply that the following information goes against the preceding information instead of reinforcing it. Maybe say “as she wears plain clothes...” or “wearing plain clothes...”] she wears plain clothes and has plain hair and in the absence of focusing on adornment [This is very confusing and does not fit well in the sentence. I would suggest moving it to the next sentence.]. In the absence of adornment, the fans [“audience” is a more appropriate word] focuses on her face; the expression and her eyes, which is the idea that there is some sort of intellectual response. [I am not sure what you are trying to say here. Are you saying that there is an intellectual nature to the expression in her eye or that the audience can have an intellectual response?] We also elevate the human being in this idea, and the artist, to a status that was relatively unprecedented. This portrait reflects the humanist climate very well. [The last two sentences appear to come out of nowhere. The content can be relevant, but it currently is not linked linked to the essay at all.]

According to Leonardo Da Vinci’s Life [Is this a biography, autobiography, or website? Add either italics or quotation marks, whichever is appropriate.], he started his  Mona Lisa [italicize] work in 1503 and worked on it for four years, but it took him another three years to complete his work after he moved to France when the French King invited him to work on another projects. [This is a long and running sentence. Separate it into two or more sentences.] One piece of evidence [evidence of what?] is that he kept it with him in most of his life. like He never sold it or never give [gave] it away, but wanted to keep it with him. He reworked it over, over and over again, as if it were a personal reflection of himself. I think the subject of a self-portrait is fascinating for him. [does not fit] [This paragraph seems to have random information that does not fit in the essay. Make sure what you are talking about is proving your thesis.]

Duchamp become the Dada movement's [add possession] most visible and influential member, and one of the Dada artists since 1916. Duchamp wanted to continue his own aggressive challenge works to materialism, invention and materialism. In 1919, he set his sights on the Mona Lisa [italicize] and wanted to revise this portrait with his own style.

This is a type of readymade [Do not assume that the reader knows this is something from Duchamp’s art] also in that it began in a very standard post card that people would buy in a gift store. Duchamp intervened [not the right word; maybe "reinterpreted"] on the Mona Lisa [italicize] by giving it a new title and also giving it a new mustache and goatee. He wanted to write a new title, “L H O O Q,” which is called the Readymade Assist, but we called it as a Readymade. [Somewhat confusing sentence] This title can be really confusing for the readers because it does not [does not what?] clearly enough to be readable for the readers. 

Duchamp’s portrait looks like a graffiti, but he has not done that or could not deface the Mona Lisa [italicize], so in this alone, this graffiti amounts to another gesture in opposition to consumer culture. [run-on and confusing sentence; separate and rephrase] He has a lot of fun with the title. There is a lot of word play in Dada, so that is why he was doing this. This short phrase pronounced in French, “Elle a chaud au cul”, which is roughly translates to: “She has a hotness”. [Relate this phrase to the essay. Right now it does not belong in the essay. Does Duchamp say this? Who says this and why?] The fans audience always have has to be careful when paying attention to the titles of Duchamp because he would say that he is getting you to recognize some of the arbitrariness that dictates so much of their lives. He was more focused on the words than just modifications of Mona Lisa’s looks or the background too.

Duchamp added the mustache and goatee on Mona Lisa, but that caught us lots of questionable attention, [separate sentence] why is that? Why does he put the image together in this unusual sort of way? It could be a standard gesture of graffiti for sure, but Duchamp played with the idea of sexual identify identity and ambiguity a lot. In fact, it taps into one of the things Mona Lisa is famous for too. This is kind of one of the ideas that Duchamp did; he did pretty successfully and emphatically. [Are you still talking about Duchamp playing with the ideas of sexual identity and ambiguity? The reader might get a bit lost here.] Would this portrait catch the readers’ attention successfully? [Duchamp’s rendition of Mona Lisa? Da Vinci’s? Clarify for your reader.] Some readers are probably criticized for the unfinished painting and lack of subject matter. [I think you mean that some readers criticize Duchamp. I can’t imagine readers being criticized for that.] Not unworthy or inappropriate, but just a simple flat out lack of subject matter. [This is not a full sentence.]

In contrast from [to] Duchamp’s Mona Lisa parody, a surrealist artist, Salvador Deli [Dali], wanted to take a challenge to do a self-portrait of himself on Mona Lisa. Dali replaced his look-like “Captain Hook” mustache (more like his own Dali mustache) and his bug eyes, not like Mona Lisa’s leonardesque eyes. He also added a huge amount of [simply “numerous” seems to fit better] gold coins in his hand as a gold digger. It is easily [easy] to recognize him. Most importantly for our purposes is what is borrowed by Dali from Duchamp and especially Vinci; both of the artists [Which artists? You’ve listed three artists and “both” is for two.] shared the same concept of a mustache on Mona Lisa’s face. Dali’s work is understood as very personal expressions of his interests and understandings; he likes to focus on himself to be in the center of Mona Lisa portrait and be famous! Dali was so fascinating himself as Mona Lisa and wanted to feel like if he was her, and his dream references to living in Mona Lisa’s world. [not sure what you’re saying in the last part here; consider rephrasing]

Dali tries to shock the audience in the world with his project because his project was shocking, new and radical from the compared to the original one. Dali tries to get the readers into deeper into his meaning than anything that they could observe in the world around them. To bypass everything superficial for something more universally meaningful and imagining the fantasy dreams. [This is not a complete sentence.]

Andy Warhol appropriated images from Mona Lisa [italicize] and other popular cultures [“other popular culture figures,"] like Marilyn Monroe, and he used these images to create the art of serigraph printing. In the 1960’s [no need for apostrophe], an American Pop Artist [no need to capitalize pop artist] started to make colorful serigraph prints of multiple Mona Lisa [italicize] portraits that is so different from Mona Lisa [italicize] remix works long before him. He wanted to label Mona Lisa as a modern icon. He brought the readers [viewers’ or audience's] to the attention because they could feel like it’s like Elvis time or disco time. They could go out to the dance floor and see all of the colorful lights that spin around all over on the floor. He let his work to be more independence [independent] and let the various of colors that come out of the closet without having too [many?] limits with the colors like Duchamp, Dali and Vinci. [I am lost here. Colors coming out of the closet?  The last bit is very confusing. Rephrase and explain better.] He has repetitive images in the printing.   He is being playful with the bold, bright and abstract colors. The fans enjoy to see his work because it is fun to observe.

Today the Mona Lisa [italics] is frequently remixed, reused and reinterpreted in the art world. Artists appropriate Mona Lisa [italics] images and reproduce it with posters, mugs, art gallery, custom t-shirts, supplies or personalized gifts. Artists can throw their great ideas, imagination and creativity on Mona Lisa [italics]. They also try to grow more and more accomplished on [with] their work on [a] Mona Lisa [italics] remix. Mona Lisa [italics] is the most influential figure in the world and the artists could look up to her. [I'm still not sure what you were proving in the essay. I know that various people remixed the painting, but I have not learned the effects or purposes of these remixes.]

The essay has good potential, but grammatical errors and phrasing hold it back. Make sure you have subject-predicate agreement in sentences (and that you have a predicate in your sentences). Do not assume the reader knows these artworks or art styles and techniques. Include images of these works and, if possible, enlarge them at each point in the essay to point out the specific changes and their effects. Also, the essay seems to lack cohesion and a unified thesis. Try to bring the various thoughts together throughout the essay. Most importantly, do not cite Wikipedia as a source. It may be accurate, but is not a collegiate-worthy source. Try looking at the sources that Wikipedia links at the bottom of each page. These are generally more reliable and can be cited in an essay. 

Work Cited

Wikipedia, The Free Encyclopedia. Wikimedia Foundation, Inc,

2011. "Leonardo Da Vinci." http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Leonardo_da_Vinci (accessed November 15, 2011).

Wikipedia, The Free Encyclopedia. Wikimedia Foundation, Inc,

2011. "L.H.O.O.Q." 

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/L.H.O.O.Q. (accessed November 15, 2011).

Wikipedia, The Free Encyclopedia. wikimedia Foundation, Inc, 2011.

"Marcel Duchamp." http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Marcel_Duchamp

Wikipedia, The Free Encyclopedia. Wikimedia Foundation, Inc,

2011. "Mona Lisa." 

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mona_Lisa (accessed November 15, 2011).